A Message to those in a Waiting season.
The waiting season feels happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time. A perfect combination of grief for something that has not come yet. A feeling that cannot be explained unless lived through. I believe God has a word for you. If you find yourself in a season of waiting for marriage (this can be applied to whatever you are "waiting” on God for). Where it feels so close you can almost taste it, yet a million miles away. Living in bible belt culture, there is a narrative of contentment being the thing we strive for. We have to die to ourselves to live for God. This is true. Galatians 2:20 confirms it.
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
BUT God only asks us to die to our flesh. Not die to the desires that He actually placed in our hearts. I have taken the narrative of singleness as in order to receive the thing I want the most in my life. I have to kill this desire because if not, it distracts me from pursuing the things God has for me.
This narrative is a double edge sword. I was on the phone with a friend years ago and she said “Jenna, contentment is not a pre-requisite for getting a husband.” You can’t kill desires that God has placed within you. For so long, I strived for religious works in pursuit of being holy and whole enough for God to bless me. This is not it. God can bless you tomorrow in all of your brokenness, in all of your pain, shame, and dysfunction. Because God is not a transactional God, He is unconditional. God is more concerned about what you believe about Him in the waiting season than actually fulfulling the desires of your heart. I’m not saying God doesn’t care about the desires of your heart, but He wants us to be whole. If you are looking for marriage to fill a void in your heart that only God can fill, then once God fulfills that dream it would actually not be a gift to you.
We don’t pursue the things of God in order to be blessed. We pursue the things of God out of our identity of being the bride of our beloved. That is the difference.
I believe God has placed this whole word within the confines of Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
Context is key is we are going to understand what this actually means for our lives.
Delight and contentment are not the same. The definition of delight is “to please someone greatly; great pleasure.” When we take great pleasure in Him, there is a beautiful exchange that takes place. We become like Him. And when we become like Him our hearts become like His. Our desires have shifted. And don’t be surprised when the desire for companionship doesn’t go away.
In college, I prayed “God if I am not supposed to be married take this desire away.” But He never did, but the waiting has been so much longer than I expected it to be. So, God has taken me on this journey of discovery the mystery of the waiting season. I don’t think I will be able to fully understand the “why’s” of God. But after almost a decade of waiting, I can say with full confidence I will see the goodness of God in the land of living. God cannot be anything, but Himself because He is good. I believe part of the process that God has invited me into is to encourage other women (or men!) to persevere and stand firm no matter what. To trust God implicitly knowing that He who called you is faithful, that what He has authored in your heart, He will finish and fulfill it.
Desiring Marriage is not a distraction, praying for your future husband is not a distraction.
Idolizing marriage is a distraction.
Desiring marriage is Holy and beautiful and shouldn’t be killed or ignored. I think the more important thing is not letting this be your one thing. Not letting it lay on the altar of your heart where only God should be. That is what actually robs you of life and it is a tiny shift in your heart. I want us all to make that distinction in our hearts today. Ask the father right now, say Abba, forgive me for placing marriage in my God spot, help me to desire this rightly, help me to make the distinction between idolizing and s Holy desire as it says in your word.
In college, when I was intentionally wrestling with this concept, I was doing everything I could in my own strength to place my “Isaac” (marriage) on the altar and learn to be content. I remember saying, “God, what the heck? I thought this was what You wanted.”
In His kindness, He gave me a picture. I saw an altar—one that looked like what Abraham might have seen on the mountain. When I placed my “Isaac” on that altar, what happened next surprised me. The Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and said, “Jenna, when you place this on the altar, it’s not sacrificed—it’s purified.”
Contentment and delight in God are not the prescription for getting God to work on your behalf, that is called manipulation. God works on your behalf because He is God and He is a good father. He knows what is best for you. And because His will, will always prevail. So, from that perspective we can ask the Lord, “Lord, how can I partner with you and your will today?” This puts us in a place of daily surrender.
My young adult pastor prayed for me a few years ago and he said these words that changed my life, “God wants you to enjoy the waiting season. I see the waiting season like the Christmas season it’s not just about the presents. The whole season is joyful and glorious. And once it is Christmas day and you get those presents that you have been wanting, you have them forever. It is yours.” It was so beautiful yet such a profound analogy. It was so convicting because I used to feel like a victim in it. When I am not a victim, I am victorious. God’s promises are yes and amen in Christ Jesus.
My encouragement today is to continue to lay everything at the altar and embrace the journey even if it doesn’t look like the way you thought it would.
Remember to have grace for yourself and your journey because it won’t look like the girl next door.
Be at peace.
Live in Hope.
Your story is just beginning.
With love,
xo Jenna
