to the lady in waiting
The waiting is constant battle between yearning and contentment. The waiting is a battle that many lose because we lose sight of the one who invites us into the waiting. The waiting contains a variety of heartbreak, pain, joy, thankfulness. Each emotion serves a purpose in the process of molding us into our intended state of being. The waiting season feels like a compression on the heart that doesn’t end until a fulfillment happens. The good thing is until that beautiful day of fulfillment, we have the promise of peace. And the promise of Himself.
“The waiting is a battle that many lose because we lose sight of the one who invites us into the waiting”
When we follow Jesus, I mean really follow Him. Like we don’t just say we love Jesus, but the fruit of our lives tells the world of our love and adoration for Him. After that process of surrendering, He gives us His heart. Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, And He will give you the desires of your heart.” When we surrender, there is an exchange that happens. The more we die to ourself, the more He is able to take residence in our hearts. He replaces our brokenness with all that He is, and give us more of His heart. And His heart has desires for our lives in them. When it’s His heart it feels significantly more intense because of the weight of His will. The desire for a companion is an innate Human desire. Although, we, as believers and unbelievers, have idolized marriage.
With the awareness of the idolization of marriage, the church has released a narrative of surrendering the desire of marriage to focus on the mission of God. This concept is noble by nature because it emulates our savior by laying down our own desires for the sake of others. What if I am a rule follower? I have the desire for marriage, I hear this message on relationships and because I have this burning desire within, I believe I am not living in contentment or the mission of God. So, in response to my elders, I surrender this desire day after day.
Flash forward a couple years later; I am still living in obedience and this desire still aches with in me. So, I think, Okay, what is wrong with me? Am I just crazy? No, girl, you are not crazy! God has given you this desire because it is from Him. There is validity in laying it down at Jesus’ feet as an act of worship. But I have realized after laying this desire down, the desire doesn’t leave my heart, it just gives God the space to move in that area of my life. If I was holding on to my desire for a husband like a death grip, there is no room for God to move. PLUS, it doesn't offer me any peace if it’s in my hands.
“But I have realized after laying the desire for marriage down, the desire doesn’t leave my heart, it just gives God the space to move in that area of my life.”
The hope I want to speak into is the reality of the desire for marriage doesn’t necessarily go away when we surrender it, which that’s OK! You are not wrong for feeling the way you do. This feeling makes you human. I don’t know the plans of God. The bible says His ways are higher than our ways, His thoughts higher than our thoughts (Isaiah 55:9), but I believe the goodness of our father in heaven.
That He doesn’t place a desire in our heart, not to fill it Himself. Now, theologically this belief could be argued. And I’m not saying that if you have the desire for marriage that means you are going to get married, because I don’t know the mystery of God’s plans. But what I do know is that God the father completely delights in His children and wants us to enjoy everything this Earth has to offer. Because everything the Lord has made is good. Everything from Him is good.
So sister, take heart. He is taking care of you. He sees the ache within you that you can’t seem to shake. The thought patterns that have plagued your mind. Don’t believe the lie that God has forgotten the desires on your heart. He knows them better than you because He placed them there. There is so much beauty in waiting. I tell my bestfriend Lindsey all the time, this road is so hard and so painful, but I wouldn’t change my story for anything because I have found Him in the process.
“I tell my bestfriend Lindsey all the time, this road is so hard and so painful, but I wouldn’t change my story for anything because I have found Him in the process.
Five years ago, The Lord told me “Jenna, You are worth the wait.” I have held onto that word for so many years because I didn’t believe I was worth it. If I didn’t have that word from God, I would have settled for less than, I would have given in to the passion burning within me. A call from God that can only be fulfilled by God. The good thing about God being the only one to do it, is that He alone gets all the glory.
XO,
Jenna
