to the lonely girl
To the lonely girl:
To update you, honestly, I feel like I have been in and out of a wilderness season since 2020. Wondering, God, What the heck are you doing? Just the truth – sometimes loneliness hits you like a brick wall, and the tension forces you to confront the feelings that distraction only temporarily reprieves. On the other hand, there are seasons that you feel like you’re on top of the world with all the contentment and faith that one can muster up.
I want to encourage you with the truth that the pains of singleness - ebbs and flows. There are seasons where I have cried out to God in incredible pain thinking that it would never end. That might be dramatic, but also very real. And there have been seasons of abundant thankfulness for the seasons that I have the freedoms to pursue anything that God calls me to lay my hand to without hindrance.
But where does loneliness come from? What is the root? God cares more about your well-being than you think. From the pandemic, community seemed far and few between as I transitioned from college into the young adult world. I realized most of the time, loneliness can stem from a lack of community. Although, I understand the feeling of being in the middle of a group of people and feeling incredibly alone, like no one sees you. True godly community is being fully known and loved. We can still feel lonely even with incredible people around us, but the community is what makes it possible to walk forward and endure, even when we feel like we can’t.
“Community is what makes it possible to walk forward and endure, even when we feel like we can’t.”
A friend told me this a few years ago, and her words carried so much weight, I believed her in my being that I was going to make it. And trust me, you were made to make it in God. In 2020, I really struggled to watch God fulfill the dreams in someone else’s life and see someone else’s happily ever after. But I was at the gym one day and this friend spoke the Truth to me. She allowed me to be disappointed in my season, all the while calling me into who I was created to be, calling me higher. I asked her “If this desire for marriage would ever end, or if it gets better?”
She gently responded to me, “Jenna, I have seen friends get married who love Jesus, then get divorced. I have seen friends go to the nations, who loved Jesus, and then stop following Him. I have seen friends who are single, stop following Jesus. I have seen friends struggle with infertility and doubt God’s goodness. The desire for the next thing won’t stop, but if you don’t get what you desire, are you okay if it’s just Him?”
“The desire for the next thing won’t stop, but if you don’t get what you desire, are you okay if it’s just Him?”
Friends, listen to the girl, who spent her entire senior year of college celebrating all of her roommates get engaged and married. Who now, at the end of 2025 will have had the privilege of being in 11 weddings. I get it! I want you to ask yourself the question, If you never got the marriage, the baby, the job, if your family never came to Jesus, would I still choose Him? What’s your non-negotiable yes? Is He worth it?
Comparison will steal everything from you, if you let it have that kind of power. You may ask, okay Jenna, what is the strategy then? How do I navigate loneliness?
How do I navigate loneliness?
Reflect on the reasons why you feel lonely. Is it just the feeling of being alone? is that a trigger from childhood? We may just be needing to go for a run, go for a midnight sonic drink, drive with the windows down. Or we need to introspect on the reality that we may be putting too much expectation or pressure on the people around us to fulfill all our emotional and relational needs.
Many of us carry a love deficit into adulthood, which leads us to seek affection and affirmation in things that offer only temporary satisfaction. Are you numbing the pain with distractions—social media, entertainment, even good & Godly things like church activities—trying to fill a space in your heart that ONLY God can truly satisfy?
For most of the month of January 2021, I felt lonely and overwhelmed. After processing with God, I realized that I tend to isolate. In isolation, it automatically magnifies those feelings while neglecting to solve any problem. Here is the solution I landed with after talking to Jesus: don’t isolate. Since then, I have been obedient to his advice. I started going to lots of social events, hangouts, and visited life groups! God is always right about what we need!
In other words, I encourage you to go to Him and ask Him the hard questions, don’t isolate, reach out to a friend, and ask for prayer! Vulnerability is the first step to curing loneliness. I also want to encourage you that the work is not all on you…continue to yield to Holy Spirit, in all things.
In other words, lay everything down at His feet. And don’t procrastinate taking care of your heart. He is altogether worthy of all our tears, adoration, pain, grief, worship, and affection. Enter the throne room with confidence (Hebrews 4:16). Let Him know the raw honesty of your feelings. Your disappointment does not mean you're not content in your singleness. There is a difference. Dating and marriage also doesn’t cure loneliness or contentment, so don’t fall into that lie. And sister, you never have to apologize for pain. That’s not your job.
XO,
Jenna
Scriptures to meditate on when struggling with loneliness:
1 Peter 2:7 “Cast your cares upon Him because He cares for you."
Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous, Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Psalm 34: 17-18 “The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed”
